I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
