I look better un-naked...
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
