Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
