nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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