I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Randomize
