Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
