I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
