he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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