Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
