First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
try to milk me bitch
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
