Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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