moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
