I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
