honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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