just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
