Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
