We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
