apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
