How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
