So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Randomize
