Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
