Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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