literally had 100 drinks last night.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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