called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
