you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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