Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
