I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
