i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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