Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Panties = found
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
