she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
