first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
