I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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