why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
