What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
