you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
