y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
