K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
