I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
