drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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