Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
