He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
