I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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