The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
