hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
