If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
