i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
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Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
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It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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