Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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