She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
