i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
