Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
