Sry I called you an 8
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
