Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
