I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
That's how pantless uber rides happen
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
