It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
