She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
