Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
soo... how was my night?
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