remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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