your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
