whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
They are going to name an STD after you.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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