:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
she smelled like a LAN party
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
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so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
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I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
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