Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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