i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
