Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
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just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
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It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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