wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
